Dan Siegel, author of The Whole Brain Child, developed an approach for parents to use in the midst of big emotions, called “Name It, to Tame It.” The idea is to help your child name the overwhelming emotion through words. This has a calming effect, as the child feels heard and understood and is confident that their experience in the world is valued by the people that mean the most to them.

In this exercise, we want to stretch our child’s emotional vocabulary. Did you know that, according to Brene Brown, most people, when asked to name their feelings, only offer up “happy,” “sad,” and “mad” when trying to articulate their inner world? By the end of this activity, we hope both you and your child have a myriad of emotional descriptions to pull from your backpack the next time you need to “name it to tame it.”

What you’ll need:

• Pen/pencil/marker
• Paper or poster board

How to do it:

Grab a poster board or large sheet of paper where you or your child can record their answers to the question below. Hang it somewhere in your home where it can be referenced later.

Help your child expand their emotional vocabulary by asking them to name as many feelings as they can think of at that moment. After they share and you’ve recorded on your poster board or paper, explain to them that, according to scientists who study emotions for a living, there are more than 80 emotions that humans are capable of experiencing!

Revisit the question again and see if your child can come up with a few more. Then, use this conversation as an opportunity to share with – and add to your list – as many emotions as you can come up with.

Feel free to visit the “feelings list” you have hanging up in your house whenever you and/or your child need a little assistance “naming” and “taming” their feelings. (Note: I would advise not asking your child to name/tame their emotions during a tantrum or meltdown as their part of their brain is offline at that time and will struggle to articulate or identify the emotion). Don’t hesitate to model for your kids what it looks like to use this poster board yourself so they aren’t afraid to use it, too.

One of the best things we can teach our children is that all feelings are safe. Shaming themselves for having hard emotions, ignoring their feelings, or lashing out because of them only perpetuates their pain. Giving children tools to help process their feelings is a lifelong skill that will benefit them in countless ways. Normalizing what it looks like to take care of their (and our) mental health is absolutely priceless.

What you’ll need:

• Pen/pencil/marker
• Paper or poster board

How to do it:

Grab a sheet of paper or something that you can write on and hang on your fridge (or bathroom mirror or wherever they’ll see it daily).

Explain to your child that you’d like to create a menu together that lists all the tools they have within reach to help them process their big feelings. Ask them to offer up ideas they may have for how to give their feelings a safe space and record their answers on the sheet. Once they’ve shared, you take a turn and offer up suggestions for other ways they might be able to be a safe place for their emotions.

Only add your suggestions to the menu if they resonate with your child – we can’t assume that the way *we* like to process our feelings will be an identical match for our child. Let them tune in to what uniquely allows them to process and regulate their emotions.

Here are some ideas to get you started!

• Being in nature
• Staying close to a parent
• Hugs
• Drawing/writing your feelings on paper
• Crying
• A quiet, dim (low stimulation) room
• Music
• Talking about their feelings
• Using the “name it to tame it” chart you created together
• Playing a game together
• Snuggling a stuffed animal
• Deep, slow breathing

Peeling the onion is one of my favorite activities to do with kids to help them see that their behavior is NOT who they are (kids are not bad, naughty, or manipulative). Their behavior is simply communicating a need!

What you’ll need:

• Onion
• Post-it note
• Pen/marker/sharpie

How to do it:

Simply grab an onion, a post-it note, and a pen or sharpie. On the post-it note, write down a behavior (of yours) that doesn’t align with your family values, e.g., yelling, threatening, being impatient, etc. Slap that post-it on the onion. Now, you’re about to begin peeling the onion, so warn your child that your eyes may get a little watery.

Explain to your child that an unmet need is underneath all of our big feelings and behaviors – grown-ups included.

Prior to this lesson, think of a time you behaved in a way that you regretted and think through what was underneath that behavior.

For example: if you were feeling grumpy, underneath that – the layers of the onion, if you will – might be that you were overwhelmed at work, or didn’t sleep well, or had forgotten to eat lunch. Use age-appropriate examples of your “layers” as you explain your unmet needs.

Use that example to peel back the layers of the onion and articulate the unmet needs under your behavior.

Ask your child if they can think of a time they behaved in a way they regretted and see if they can think of the feelings they might have been experiencing underneath that behavior (it’s okay if they can’t think of anything – this is just to get the wheels turning).

When we teach children how to name the feeling beneath the behavior, we help them to cultivate and tap into empathy, helping them to identify their needs when they’re having a hard time.

Like me, you may have noticed the word “glitter” in the title of this exercise and wanted to run for the hills. Rest assured – this glitter will be completely contained during this activity.

What you’ll need:

• Glass jar
• Glitter glue
• Water

How to do it:

Grab a jar, fill it almost to the top with warm water, and add a couple globs of glitter glue. Give the jar a good shake. Invite your child to compare their anxious, scared, or overwhelmed thoughts to the glitter swirling around inside.

Point out that when our fear is in the driver’s seat, it makes it difficult to see and think clearly – much like the glitter in the jar. That’s how our brains can feel when we have a tornado of intense feelings swirling inside. Assure your child that this happens to all of us, kids and adults alike.

Now, keep the jar still and begin to notice together how the water begins to become clear again. Explain to your child that our minds work similarly. When we get still, take deep breaths, and tune into our bodies, things begin to settle and become more clear. Keep this jar out as a reminder of the importance of mindfulness and revisit it whenever you need this gentle reminder.

Kids love knowing more about and better understanding their bodies, and introducing the concept of their nervous systems can be a wonderful way to empower them to take care of their mental health!

What you’ll need:

• Pen/pencil/marker
• Paper

How to do it:

In an age- and developmentally-appropriate way, explain to your child that their nervous system plays a really huge role in how they feel mentally, emotionally, and physically! That means, we need to tend to and take care of our nervous system like we would our teeth, our hearts, and our heads – like any other parts of our body that needs protection and intentional care.

Grab a sheet of paper and divide it into two different columns. Label one column: CALM WATERS. Label the other column: CRASHING WAVES.

Invite your child to identify what people, places, and activities help their nervous system feel like calm waters (a regulated nervous system) vs. which ones cause them to feel like waves are crashing inside (a dysregulated nervous system).

The key to helping your child be more regulated is recognizing when they become dysregulated. For some, it is associated with transitioning activities. Others become dysregulated in noisy environments or in extreme temperatures. Feel free to share some examples of your own to help them get started.

Remind them that it’s important to notice which things in life are regulating to them personally and that you are there to help them incorporate more of those things into their life.

Note: You may notice that some of what shows up in their CALM WATERS list may overlap with their Mental Health Menu. That’s okay! Each one of these exercises will continue to affirm and validate what they need to navigate and process all the big emotions that accompany life.

You’ve probably already noticed this, but kids today are busier than ever. Sometimes, it seems their planners are fuller and more complicated than most adults!

Having busy kids might seem great. After all, busy kids may get into less “trouble”, and they have to be learning new skills, right? Right?

It’s a little more complicated than that. “Kids whose time is overly organized don’t have time to be kids, and their family doesn’t have time to be a family. They typically don’t eat well, sleep well, or make friends properly,” pediatrician Dr. Deb Lonzer, MD, told Cleveland Clinic.

Spending quality time with family is really important for kids. Quality family time not only creates happy memories, but it can improve a child’s mental health, boost self-esteem in kids and help to cultivate positive behaviors.

What you’ll need:

• 20-30 minutes for a family meeting/conversation

How to do it:

Schedule a family meeting. Ask your child/ren if they feel their (or your?) schedule is too busy and get a feel for how (if at all) overwhelmed they are with the daily grind.

Based on their response, remind them about the importance of down days/downtime and how important it is for their mental health, as well as the strength of your family connection.

Invite your child/ren to weigh in with how many times a week or month you would like to have a down day (or at least a down “window of time” if committing to a full day is not feasible). Decide as a family how frequently you would like to implement these “down days,” mark them in your calendar, and make them a priority.

You can also use this time to discuss what sorts of activities you’d like to do together during those down times…watch a movie, read books on the couch together, build a fort, afternoon tea, and dessert. Just choose activities you can all agree on and that would be rejuvenating for all of you!