Teaching kids that they are in charge of their own bodies is one of the most important life lessons for children to learn. Children need to learn about healthy consent and boundaries. Healthy boundaries apply to so much more than just sex or partnership, and we should begin teaching our children as early as possible.

Some children love getting hugs and snuggles! Others, including those with touch sensitivities or sensory processing differences, may find these forms of physical affection uncomfortable or stressful. Allowing children to express themselves when they are feeling discomfort or hurt and encouraging them to consider how others feel helps them to develop self-awareness and empathy.

What You’ll Need:

• Just your bodies!

How to do it:

In this exercise, educate your child/ren that they are in charge of their bodies and that they are never obligated to give a hug or physical affection to anyone they don’t want to.

If your child is willing (again, ask for consent), invite them to practice their body boundaries by responding to you when you ask them if they’d like a hug. Remind them that no matter who is asking for the hug, they always have the right to say “no” or ask for a different form of affection, such as a high five, fist bump, or pat on the back.

Offering a choice empowers your child to have control over their own body and teaches them that it is okay to say no, even to adults.

It’s just as important to instill into our children the importance of asking others for permission before touching another child. Spend a few minutes reversing roles from the previous exercise and asking your child to ask your consent for a hug. Practice responding “no” to your child and invite your child to give you different options for affection.

This activity helps children to reflect upon and appreciate the aspects of their bodies. It is also designed to improve self-esteem and help kids feel good about themselves from the inside out.

What you’ll need:

• Paper or poster board
• Markers

How to do it:

Invite your children to brainstorm all the ways people are different from each other, including physical (eye color, height, etc.) and non-physical differences (different food preferences, different tastes in music), and write them down on your paper or poster board. After your brainstorming session, explain that some of these traits in people are things that can change over time as we evolve and grow, while some of these traits are fixed.

Next, invite your children to write down (or you can write it down for them), five things they love about themselves. These things can be related to their bodies or they can be skills of which they’re proud. Hang these up so your kids can see them and reflect on them throughout the day.

Finally, brainstorm ways as a family that you can all do more to increase appreciation of your body and yourself. Some of those activities may include; surrounding yourself with people who treat you well, practicing affirmations, and celebrating your victories on a regular basis. If it’s helpful, feel free to schedule these activities into your family’s schedule every week to make this a consistent practice for yourself and your kids.

Equipping children with a list of safe people they can turn to who will listen and keep them safe if they ever find themselves in an uncomfortable scenario is an essential part of protecting our children’s bodies and minds.

What you’ll need:

• Pen or pencil
• Paper

How to do it:

For this activity, explain to your child/ren that they are surrounded by people who love them very much and are there to support them no matter what. Out of that village of family and friends, help your child to identify five adults they can turn to if something happens that they don’t like.

Experts recommend that at least three of these adults should not be family, as in cases of abuse, children generally do not tell their parents or family members first. Children should also know that if they tell an adult and that adult doesn’t believe them or doesn’t do anything about it, they should keep telling adults until someone believes them.

Record your selected adults on a sheet of paper or a digital device to convey the importance of this conversation with your child.

Of course, I am using the word “weird” with the utmost affection in this context. Use this activity as an opportunity to remind your child/ren that you support their right to choose the outfits they wear!

What you’ll need:

• Your child’s wardrobe

How to do it:

Go into your child’s closet and ask them what clothes make them feel the best and see what they see! If they’re interested in what clothes make you feel good, invite them into your closet and feel free to share the same with them.

As kids get older and begin to have stronger opinions about what they wear, it’s so important that as parents we support their autonomy. Allow them to choose when you are buying them new clothes (within budget, of course), and don’t try to steer them in one direction or another. Kids are trying new things all the time as they learn about and cultivate their identities.

Note: Of course, what kids choose to wear needs to be safe and fall within whatever prescribed cultural/social norms exist in a particular setting; e.g., wearing a bathing suit to a funeral would likely be something that would require a conversation that underscores the importance of there being a “time and place” for various outfits.

As soon as children are old enough, it’s important to teach them the difference between a safe and unsafe secret. Toddlers and preschoolers are best off having a clear “no secrets” rule. They are too literal to understand about some secrets being safe to keep and some secrets being not safe to keep.

What you’ll need:

• A family meeting

How to do it:

Use this activity as an opportunity to teach your child the difference between a silly secret and a not-so-silly one. Before you move on to the more serious secrets, though, spend a few minutes with your child brainstorming secrets that would be considered harmless in nature.

For example, not telling your little sister what she’s getting for her birthday, or not telling mommy that daddy is planning a surprise breakfast in bed. Going through this together will help your child differentiate the difference between the two types of secrets.

After you’ve had a few good giggles discussing “silly secrets” educate your child that there are also not-okay secrets (e.g., those that hide their hurt/shame or that of others), or have anything to do with private parts), and insist that they tell an adult when someone asks them to keep an inappropriate secret.

Of course, you want to reinforce that it applies even if that person is someone that they love and trust, even if they are told not to tell, and even if they are told that something bad will happen if they tell.

Feel free to reserve the books below for free from your library or purchase them on your own if you’d like to add them to your permanent collection.

Having these conversations about consent and bodily autonomy will serve as a solid foundation for your child’s well-being and self-esteem throughout life. Additionally, child experts, pediatricians, and professionals agree that arming your children with this important knowledge about body autonomy and consent is also an important tool to help prevent child sexual abuse.

FOR PRESCHOOL CHILDREN:

• Who Has What?
• C is for Consent
• Don’t Hug Doug (He doesn’t like it)

FOR GRADE SCHOOL CHILDREN:

• Your Body Belongs to You
• Amazing You! Getting Smart About Your Private Parts (ages 4-8)

FOR PRETEENS AND TEENS:

• You Know, Sex
• Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent & Respect
• Ask. Listen. Respect: A Video about Consent