Whenever you want to infuse some loving reassurance into your child’s heart, take a moment to write them a note reminding them that there is nothing they could do to make you stop loving them.

What you’ll need:

• Index cards or paper
• Pen/pencil 

How to do it:

Leave it in their lunch box, under their pillow, inside the box of a game you play frequently, or by their cereal bowl in the morning – wherever you think they would take the most delight in finding a note like this from you. 

Keep your kids on their toes by inviting them to answer some questions you are dying to know the answers to!

What you’ll need:

• Index cards or paper
• Pen/pencil 
• Calendar (digital or physical) 
• Favorite snacks/beverages (optional)

How to do it:

Leave a handmade invitation on your child’s pillowcase at night, asking them if they can meet you the next day (at whatever time works for you both) to discuss a very important – AND FUN – question that you’re dying to know the answer to –  and that they are only qualified to answer. 

Then, create an inviting environment with your child’s favorite snack and/or beverage, turn it into a picnic, or curate a setting that you feel would make your child feel most seen and cared for. 

Open up the conversation by telling your child you’ve been wanting to ask them a question and they are the only one with the answer! 

Once you see that they’re excited to answer you, let them know that one of the most important things to you as a parent is to make sure they feel unconditionally loved by you. 

Explain to them that while you can make some good guesses at what makes them feel loved, you want to hear directly from them what makes them feel the most cherished and unconditionally loved. 

Then, dramatically ;), whip out your notebook and pen and let them know you’re ready to take copious notes about their love language so you can do more of those things for them each week. 

If they’re unsure of how to answer this, or need some time to think, no worries! You can brainstorm with them and take some educated “guesses” about what you think makes them feel love to see if that gets the creative juices flowing. It’s okay for them to offer a couple of ideas to you now, and think of some new ones later for you to add to your list. 

Once you’ve got a solid list, schedule in time on your calendar to “do the thing” your child says makes them feel unconditionally loved. Whether it’s once a day, once a week, or once a month, doing these things that remind them that you love them will build a solid foundation of self-love and self-esteem that will last them a lifetime.

Instilling a sense of unconditional self-love is such an imperative foundation for raising emotionally resilient kids.

What you’ll need:

• Mirror

While it is imperative that we show our children through our actions that we unconditionally love them, it’s just as important that we teach them how to love themselves.

How to do it:

To bring this to life, grab a handheld mirror, or head to a bathroom mirror and ask your child if they’d be up for playing a little true or false game with you. 

Tell them that you’re going to share something with them that you didn’t know about until you were a grown-up! But, before you tell them, ask them if they have ever heard of the term “unconditional self-love.” 

Based on how they respond, probe a little more, asking what they think that might mean or look like in real life. 

Tell them that you’re going to look at yourself in the mirror and describe specifically when and how you love yourself the most (it’s so important that they see us loving ourselves!) Mention whatever comes to mind for you personally. Some examples might include: I love my sense of humor, I love my thoughtfulness, I love my smart brain, I love my love of learning. 

Conversely – and even if it doesn’t come naturally – continue to look into the mirror and share the parts about yourself that might not seem as lovable on the surface (but are JUST as worthy of love). 

Safe and appropriate options for your child to hear might include: I love myself when I make mistakes, I love myself when I feel lonely, I love myself when I’m angry, I love myself when I cry, I love myself when I’m confused, I love myself no matter what. 

Next, offer your child the mirror and ask them to share all the things they love about themselves. Let their imagination run wild – there are no wrong answers here! 

Also, please note that there’s no need to nudge your child to include the “harder parts” to love about themselves. The important thing is that they saw you loving out loud the parts of yourself that, as human beings, we tend to love the least and the last. They need to see that if you can love yourself despite making mistakes and experiencing big emotions, then they have permission to love those parts of themselves, too.

In the Mirror Mirror exercise, you and your child focused on what you each unconditionally loved about yourselves. In this activity, your child will get to bask in all of the things you unconditionally love about them and see it every day as they walk into their room!

What you’ll need:

• Craft paper or poster board 
• Marker

This is one of the few activities that – if you want it to – requires some materials you may not already have lying around your house. Don’t worry, though! If you don’t want to order anything extra, you can still do this with a standard-size sheet of paper, poster board, or whatever it is you have lying around your house.

How to do it:

First, you’ll need a large roll of brown craft paper. Roll out enough paper to exceed the height of your child. Next, ask your child if they would be open to laying on the paper so you can trace their body. Please get their consent to do this first. 

After you’ve traced their body, lead into the conversation by saying something like, “you know, we get so busy sometimes with (fill in whatever activities create busyness in your life) and I was thinking that I don’t stop enough to tell you all the things I love about you. I thought it would be fun to write those things on this giant life-size cut out of you. Then, if you want to see and remember all the things I love about you every day, I can help you to hang this on your bedroom door!” 

Play music, serve tea, or infuse your personality into this activity however you see fit to make this fun, engaging, and entertaining for your child. Spend the next several minutes writing down on your child’s cut-out all the things you love and appreciate them. 

If you don’t have access to a roll of craft paper, you can always trace their hand or foot on a piece of printer or construction paper and jot down all the ways you love them on that instead.

Encouraging your children to play important and meaningful roles in your family helps to build their confidence, makes them feel valued, and encourages cooperation and teamwork across your entire family unit.

What you’ll need:

• Pen or pencil
• Paper

Nothing makes a child feel more loved and boosts their self-esteem quite like including them in daily activities that enlist their help, unique talents, and good heart. Kids love being given the chance to show us how capable they are and they love seeing us validate their capabilities.

How to do it:

First, you will need to carve out some time to think of some activities that you could include your child where they could contribute by playing an important role (helping you plan meals, picking out fruit at the grocery store, allowing them to help you with your work (my 6-yo regularly offers her advice on how to design my social media graphics and what colors/layout I should use – and I often follow her lead because she is a truly talented artist!) 

At a frequency and pace that makes sense for you and your child’s schedule, schedule in time/days where your child can look forward to helping you with something that they can uniquely contribute to. Of course, you can always enlist their input on the fly, but I find that scheduling it in also makes it a consistent part of each week.

I know, I know. You’ve heard this a million times: spending 1:1 time with your child is one of the best things you can do to show them your love. And it’s true, which is why I’ve included it here.

By giving your child your intentional, undivided attention, you are showing them that they matter to you; that they’re worth spending time with; and that you’re interested in who they are. It boosts their confidence, improves their physical and mental health, and creates an unshakeable bond between the two of you.

I wanted to include a little twist to this activity to help you (and your child) get excited about it again in case you’ve run out of creative ways to hang with your little one.

What you’ll need:

• Pen or pencil
• Paper 
• Scissors 
• Calendar (digital or physical)

How to do it:

Grab a sheet of paper (8×11 inches) and draw three vertical lines evenly across the page, then draw five horizontal lines across the vertical lines to create a total of  15 different boxes. 

Ask your child what their favorite activities are to do together and write each activity in a blank box. Once you’ve filled up all 15 spaces, cut each one out, fold them in half, and drop them into a container or box that your child can easily reach into. 

Next, based on your family’s schedule and your personal availability, decide on the frequency you would like to have a 1:1 date with your child. Obviously, this will look different for each family based on how many children you have and how compatible work schedules are. Whatever you decide is the right amount and your child will appreciate your commitment to this. 

Once you’ve decided on the frequency (once a week, bi-weekly, once a month, etc.), invite your child to help you mark your calendar so they know when the first 1:1 date is coming up! 

On the day of each date together (or the night before if some of the activities require prep or planning), get out of the box with all the activities that you brainstormed together and have your child pull out an activity that you can do together that day! 

Of course, if not knowing the activities causes more stress and less fun, there’s no need to make each date a “surprise”.” You and your child can look at all the activities ahead of time and choose one that makes the most sense that week based on everyone’s availability and bandwidth. 

The key here is consistency. Some kids like not knowing what the activity will be, while others love to know what they have to look forward to! Both ways are the right way so long as they sync up with your child’s personality and preferences.